Post by Milah on Apr 4, 2016 20:56:53 GMT 1
It had sucked being away from her son, it had sucked learning that Rumple wasn't the man that she thought he was when they married. But of course she'd had to come to that conclusion on her own. Was she wrong in abandoning her son? Absolutely, there was no denying that she was wrong on that account. It was wrong of her to leave the way she had, she knew that now. She had let the guilt build up overtime. Looking toward her son now, she was proud of him. Proud of how he'd turned out, no thanks to her.
But what she did know was that everything happened the way it did for some unknown reason. That fate had a tendency to mess with their lives, in more ways than one. Although she had been in pain, for having left her son, she had thought he was going to be alright. That he would have his father and that they'd both be okay. She never imagined that Rumple would become the Dark One. Maybe if she had, maybe things would have been different. She would have gone to him. Spoken to him and telling him what a mistake it was to grasp hold of it, but the man had changed as a result of getting that power. She'd seen it first hand when he'd come to the Jolly Roger to see her.
It was guilt that made her work harder through. Because now, looking at it almost through an outside perspective, she had hurt her son because she'd grown to dislike her husband. Going to the tavern was her way of escaping the chaos. Of escaping the arguments. While it was true she had told Rumple she never loved the man, it was far from the truth. She had fallen out of love with him, that part was true. Though, the earliest part of Baelfire's life, she had been with Rumple and had been happy until their world came crashing to a halt. When the arguments started, she hated it. She hated fighting with the man, that was why she went to the tavern. Because no one argued with her there, she felt like she could have a drink and then calm herself and be able to head back to their home.
It wasn't a brave answer, nor was it all the way a smart one. She hadn't known then that by going to the tavern when she had it would lead her to meeting Killian. And that a love would begin to form between them. It was the first time in a very long time that she had felt like herself again. Being with Killian, there was a spark. A spark that she could not put into words how it ended up that way. But now, of course.....things had changed a bit. Still, speaking of the past was hard. Even if it had not mattered whose choice it was for her to board that ship, it was....difficult and heartbreaking as well. Stability was something she had always wanted. Something she hadn't had for a long while, until Killian. Still, she knew that the pain and memories of the past, of the feeling unwanted or unloved would go away. She had wanted to see her son for so long that now, she did not want to leave him. To let him go. Even though she knew she must. Looking toward her son, her feelings were entangled in a lot of different emotions.
"I know, I wish I had been able to tell you that I loved you more. I'm sorry that that is the last memory you had of me. I--I sang a lullaby to you every night before I left, it was one I'd heard enough as a child. I could sing it from memory. I--know I didn't give you or your father enough time, a chance as it were. But there were many things between your father and I that had happened that by the time I left, I couldn't salvage it. I know, Hades. I've spent more time down in the Underworld than I care to admit. He owned all of us. Because at any point he could have summoned us and pushed us into the river of lost souls and believe you me that's a fate worse than death. Hades is going to push us all, back towards the Underworld, now we can either do nothing about it, or we can fight. And if there's anything I can sense from you, you're not going to just go down without a fight. I--I wasn't good to you, I was weak. I didn't come to see you, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't know how. I didn't know how to navigate. I couldn't guide the ship back to the village. And, well, we faced many a storm aboard the ship. I know it doesn't make sense to you, and it's not like you were a prize. Not in the least. I should have given you a choice, Bae. I know, I should have told you the truth, to give you a choice. I can't change the past, even if I want to. Even if I want that more than anything. But what I can do, is help protect the present, and our future. You'll get the time with your son, Baelfire. We'll get you home. We will find another way. Even, if it means taking Hades down. Yes, Bae. You were asleep...but even before that, I wasn't....entirely sure what my decision was. I sang you the lullaby, kissed your forehead, and waited. When I knew you were asleep, I went to the ship. My intention was only to give Killian my answer. Of course, it didn't end up that way. I hadn't seen your father, if I had I would have talked to him first. There were a lot of things I told your father, over the years, even after I left--that last night I saw him....I told him I didn't love him which wasn't exactly the truth. I know that apologizing doesn't make any of this better, Bae. It wasn't just the mistakes, with your father. Time--moves differently aboard the ship, when you're out there in the sea. You don't often take time to think of it as one year to the next. If I had, I would have done what I could to go back to the village. I didn't know that you were gone, Bae. I didn't know what your father would do after I was gone--after he came to find me aboard the Jolly Roger. All I know is when he--reached into my chest....and pulled my heart out, and squeezed. You were my last thought, though my last words were to Killian." Her last words were that she loved him. Before her world went black...and she awoke in the Underworld.
Freedom was something she had always longed for. Something that she had gotten aboard the ship. "Yes, it was...home in a lot of ways. Until it wasn't. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered one way or another. I wish I'd never abandoned you. All because I was mad at your father, that's the whole reason I left. It wasn't because you were a bad child by any means. You were so sweet, and kind. It was never because I didn't want you, Bae. I can't even blame your father for why I left even if he was a part of it. The truth is, I--I wasn't cut out for that life. As much as I wanted to be." Of course the marriage part, she had of course turned around only to be with Killian in that way, but that was besides the point. But she never did have another child. Clearing her throat she looked right toward her son, being reminded of the pain of it all. She wanted a second chance with her son even if she hadn't deserved it. Fate could be a cruel joke.
Fate had made her mad in more ways than one. "I know how it's a bit late for this. I missed you too, even if I've had a terrible way of showing it, Bae. But I'm not going to stop either way. You're safer here, above ground than you were down there. I can assure you of that. But, no. Hades wont just politely ask people to go back to the Underworld. He's going to take them by force if he has to. He's looking for a fight, and if it's a fight he wants. He's going to get it. We're going to have to band together if we want a chance to survive, to stay out of the Underworld. I don't care about magic. I never did. It didn't allure me the way that it would have been for your father. The only chance we have is if we work together, the question is can we do that? Because to do that we're going to have to put our past pain behind us. I don't want you separated from your son either. It may not work, but if it does...then you'll have your chance. For now, we live our lives up here the best way we know how, in case we fail. As Hades knows exactly who escaped from down there and it's only a matter of time before he comes. And whether he'll target us one by one, or if he'll target us as a whole is left to be determined. I'm not the parent I wish I would have been, Bae. But if I can help make sure that you don't lose your son the way that you lost both your father and I, then so be it. I'll be willing to pay that price. Even if it means losing you--losing my existence, forever." She was more determined than ever not to let Bae go, not without a fight. Even if it meant sacrificing her own existence to ensure that it didn't happen again. To ensure that Bae didn't lose his new family the way that she'd lost hers.
Neal Cassidy
But what she did know was that everything happened the way it did for some unknown reason. That fate had a tendency to mess with their lives, in more ways than one. Although she had been in pain, for having left her son, she had thought he was going to be alright. That he would have his father and that they'd both be okay. She never imagined that Rumple would become the Dark One. Maybe if she had, maybe things would have been different. She would have gone to him. Spoken to him and telling him what a mistake it was to grasp hold of it, but the man had changed as a result of getting that power. She'd seen it first hand when he'd come to the Jolly Roger to see her.
It was guilt that made her work harder through. Because now, looking at it almost through an outside perspective, she had hurt her son because she'd grown to dislike her husband. Going to the tavern was her way of escaping the chaos. Of escaping the arguments. While it was true she had told Rumple she never loved the man, it was far from the truth. She had fallen out of love with him, that part was true. Though, the earliest part of Baelfire's life, she had been with Rumple and had been happy until their world came crashing to a halt. When the arguments started, she hated it. She hated fighting with the man, that was why she went to the tavern. Because no one argued with her there, she felt like she could have a drink and then calm herself and be able to head back to their home.
It wasn't a brave answer, nor was it all the way a smart one. She hadn't known then that by going to the tavern when she had it would lead her to meeting Killian. And that a love would begin to form between them. It was the first time in a very long time that she had felt like herself again. Being with Killian, there was a spark. A spark that she could not put into words how it ended up that way. But now, of course.....things had changed a bit. Still, speaking of the past was hard. Even if it had not mattered whose choice it was for her to board that ship, it was....difficult and heartbreaking as well. Stability was something she had always wanted. Something she hadn't had for a long while, until Killian. Still, she knew that the pain and memories of the past, of the feeling unwanted or unloved would go away. She had wanted to see her son for so long that now, she did not want to leave him. To let him go. Even though she knew she must. Looking toward her son, her feelings were entangled in a lot of different emotions.
"I know, I wish I had been able to tell you that I loved you more. I'm sorry that that is the last memory you had of me. I--I sang a lullaby to you every night before I left, it was one I'd heard enough as a child. I could sing it from memory. I--know I didn't give you or your father enough time, a chance as it were. But there were many things between your father and I that had happened that by the time I left, I couldn't salvage it. I know, Hades. I've spent more time down in the Underworld than I care to admit. He owned all of us. Because at any point he could have summoned us and pushed us into the river of lost souls and believe you me that's a fate worse than death. Hades is going to push us all, back towards the Underworld, now we can either do nothing about it, or we can fight. And if there's anything I can sense from you, you're not going to just go down without a fight. I--I wasn't good to you, I was weak. I didn't come to see you, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't know how. I didn't know how to navigate. I couldn't guide the ship back to the village. And, well, we faced many a storm aboard the ship. I know it doesn't make sense to you, and it's not like you were a prize. Not in the least. I should have given you a choice, Bae. I know, I should have told you the truth, to give you a choice. I can't change the past, even if I want to. Even if I want that more than anything. But what I can do, is help protect the present, and our future. You'll get the time with your son, Baelfire. We'll get you home. We will find another way. Even, if it means taking Hades down. Yes, Bae. You were asleep...but even before that, I wasn't....entirely sure what my decision was. I sang you the lullaby, kissed your forehead, and waited. When I knew you were asleep, I went to the ship. My intention was only to give Killian my answer. Of course, it didn't end up that way. I hadn't seen your father, if I had I would have talked to him first. There were a lot of things I told your father, over the years, even after I left--that last night I saw him....I told him I didn't love him which wasn't exactly the truth. I know that apologizing doesn't make any of this better, Bae. It wasn't just the mistakes, with your father. Time--moves differently aboard the ship, when you're out there in the sea. You don't often take time to think of it as one year to the next. If I had, I would have done what I could to go back to the village. I didn't know that you were gone, Bae. I didn't know what your father would do after I was gone--after he came to find me aboard the Jolly Roger. All I know is when he--reached into my chest....and pulled my heart out, and squeezed. You were my last thought, though my last words were to Killian." Her last words were that she loved him. Before her world went black...and she awoke in the Underworld.
Freedom was something she had always longed for. Something that she had gotten aboard the ship. "Yes, it was...home in a lot of ways. Until it wasn't. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered one way or another. I wish I'd never abandoned you. All because I was mad at your father, that's the whole reason I left. It wasn't because you were a bad child by any means. You were so sweet, and kind. It was never because I didn't want you, Bae. I can't even blame your father for why I left even if he was a part of it. The truth is, I--I wasn't cut out for that life. As much as I wanted to be." Of course the marriage part, she had of course turned around only to be with Killian in that way, but that was besides the point. But she never did have another child. Clearing her throat she looked right toward her son, being reminded of the pain of it all. She wanted a second chance with her son even if she hadn't deserved it. Fate could be a cruel joke.
Fate had made her mad in more ways than one. "I know how it's a bit late for this. I missed you too, even if I've had a terrible way of showing it, Bae. But I'm not going to stop either way. You're safer here, above ground than you were down there. I can assure you of that. But, no. Hades wont just politely ask people to go back to the Underworld. He's going to take them by force if he has to. He's looking for a fight, and if it's a fight he wants. He's going to get it. We're going to have to band together if we want a chance to survive, to stay out of the Underworld. I don't care about magic. I never did. It didn't allure me the way that it would have been for your father. The only chance we have is if we work together, the question is can we do that? Because to do that we're going to have to put our past pain behind us. I don't want you separated from your son either. It may not work, but if it does...then you'll have your chance. For now, we live our lives up here the best way we know how, in case we fail. As Hades knows exactly who escaped from down there and it's only a matter of time before he comes. And whether he'll target us one by one, or if he'll target us as a whole is left to be determined. I'm not the parent I wish I would have been, Bae. But if I can help make sure that you don't lose your son the way that you lost both your father and I, then so be it. I'll be willing to pay that price. Even if it means losing you--losing my existence, forever." She was more determined than ever not to let Bae go, not without a fight. Even if it meant sacrificing her own existence to ensure that it didn't happen again. To ensure that Bae didn't lose his new family the way that she'd lost hers.
Neal Cassidy