Post by Neal Cassidy on Feb 13, 2016 13:33:19 GMT 1
neal cassidy | Neal had been thinking, for over two centuries that neither of his parents had wanted him. And his pain had been obvious to so many. He'd been alone in the world up until about just over a year ago, and, feelings like that don't just disappear in the blink of an eye. It would take time, that's what Neal needed. Time. "Yeah, you did. It was your choice. True, there's a difference, but, maybe they wouldn't have gotten worse. I've seen people die too. Knowing how to sail shouldn't have mattered, especially if you'd tried hard enough to convince Killian to come back. Lots of people have history with my father, that doesn't make much difference. Sometimes being sane isn't the best thing to be. It's definitely not a bad thing. I really hope I'm better then you are, I'd never leave my family. Being scared isn't always an excuse to not be with your family. I know how it feels to be without a family or parents, trust me. Yeah, I do like that you tried, even if I couldn't remember you. That's what people are supposed to do for people they love, maybe you didn't deserve it then. Why can't you appreciate what you had? Yes, it was perfect. Just the three of us. Yes, they would've been the way they should've been. Kids are supposed to bond with both of their parents, but, I didn't get the chance for that did I? Choices can make all the difference sometimes. And, was it really that hard to get him to see why you were trying to get back to me? Thinking about, and, doing it are two different things. Well, that makes some difference, but, not enough, since it's just words or hearsay. I had missed you too, even if I didn't even know it. I guess not showing how we feel runs in the family. Yeah, so am I. I'm sorry you weren't better to me too." Neal felt the pain in his heart grow again as he looked down at his fists on the table. "I came looking because I loved you. You were my mum. Marriages go on and off track all the time, that doesn't mean all of them will fail. There's no maybe about it, if you weren't there, then everything that happened with Hook wouldn't have. Rumours are easy to ignore if you really try. Well, that's what papa was like, he usually listened to only himself. That's just who he is. Maybe, he was trying to do the best by the family. You, him and me. The arguements were, you guys may have tried to keep it quiet for me. But, it didn't stop it from travelling to my room. Papa and I had arguements too, but, I never left. Well, money can be something to set people off." Neal wished that he'd been older. Maybe, then he could've been able to talk to his mother about coming home. And the two of them talking to papa together, in order to see if their family could've been the way it should've. But, he was 5 years old, what good would he have been able to do? His mother had made a choice to leave his papa and him for another man, who offered her something she thought she wanted more then both of them. "Everyone has crutches, but, it doesn't change much. You could've looked at a clock every now and then. Or remind yourself that you had a family to get back to. Maybe then papa wouldn't have had to come and look for you at the tavern. You're right we didn't. I just wanted at least a goodbye, but, you just took off one night." Maybe that was why he wanted to zone out those images. To forget the pain of losing his mother. Even if at that point, he'd thought she'd been killed. It was still a pain he didn't want to feel, especially when he was only 5 years old. Neal had felt love for his mother, even if she hadn't been around. Which is probably why he didn't want to admit it out loud, alot like with his father. But, denying love hadn't helped anything, it had just made certain things worse. Especially now that it was all surfacing. "No well that's obvious. Sometimes all people need is time, but, it's possible to fix things if you try to. That's not much of an excuse, you could've left a note explaining or talked to papa before you went there. That way maybe he wouldn't have had to come to the ship at all. Well, if you liked the life you had with us, why did you leave? Being restless is something that can be fixed. You can wander places and still stay with your family. Well, that's what's pirates do isn't it? They hurt innocent people for reasons they won't explain." Talking about this wasn't helping anything, all Neal knew was that he had lost his mother, and, that there was so many ways it could've been avoided. His mother could've found a way to stick around. And that pain was enough to mess with the young lost boy he was. Neal had never expected to see his mother again, since death was usually permanent. Of course, he hadn't expected to see his father again either, but, he'd shown up on his door-step two centuries after he'd abandoned him. "Young and foolish isn't exactly an excuse. If you hadn't walked away, then papa wouldn't have become that monster who killed so many just to protect me. So, yes it was your fault. It was your fault I lost both of my parents. I didn't doubt that, I was 5, not an idiot. I could sense there was more to it. Even if I was too young to fully understand what it was exactly. To be fair, I'm not sure where I do either. I've been, well, let's just say out of place for so long. Well, papa does have a way of doing that stuff. Who knows what it was? Of course it won't be easy, I'm not forgiving you anytime soon." Neal had been left with his father, who had been a great father at the start, until he hit a certain age and things changed. The bond he and his papa had was slowly disappearing, and, it was only a matter of time before it had completely dissolved. Which is why he wanted the bean in the first place. He'd wanted that bond and closeness back. He'd wanted his father. "I've handled more then you know. Good, because I don't want to know. Anything you say doesn't make up for the fact that you left that day. So, you loved papa, but, you fell for Hook. Well, you and papa did have a habit of not keeping promises. In the end it doesn't matter, making the decision you should've at least looked at me as you let those thoughts into your head. I don't think I'll ever be able to accept that you chose something else over me when I was only 5 years old." "Well, I know how that feels having not ideal parents. But, at least you had them around. Both of them stayed, even if they didn't have anywhere else to go. They still stayed and stuck around. Yeah, it should. No matter where I go, I always heard the loud voices of the people I love most. No matter how limited they were. And still are. Well, that doesn't matter, I saw and witnessed it anyway. You and papa weren't exactly subtle in your arguements. Even if I didn't hear them, I could tell that you'd had them. Well, I saw a couple of worlds, but, not exactly in the way I'd wanted to. I was alone for all of it. I did find someone like that. Too bad it probably won't last too long." Neal said, sighing softly. Neal didn't have much more to say to his mother, and, he looked around before noticing Granny walking over and giving him the food in a to-go bag. Neal nodded his thanks, before looking back at his mother. "Well, I've got to go. I'll see you... I just, I gotta go." Neal then bolted as fast as he could from the Diner, and, just hoped his mother wouldn't follow him for now. |