- neal cassidy -

Neal hadn't expected these events of New York to happen the way they had. Certainly not as suddenly as they had. When he had left Emma, Neal hadn't known that Emma was pregnant, and, he certainly wouldn't have left if he had. Neal had his work cut out for him when it came to making up for lost time with his son, and, being the father he wanted for himself.

But, it wasn't so much Emma and Henry that were worrying and confusing him right now. It was the person that came with them. The man that had ruined his life for so long, and, then broke his heart by the end. When the two of them were over that portal, and, he was clung onto both him and the dagger. And the hand holding him was the one that was released, and, not the one holding the dagger.

His father had wanted to be out of his life all those years ago, that was made pretty obvious when he let him go, and, now he just came back into it, and, expected things to be that easy. It was one thing for him to be going over what he'd been through since he let his hand go, but, it was nothing compared to what he had.

Neal didn't want to talk to his father, but, he knew that he had some questions that had to be answered. That had been going through his head since landing through that portal. Maybe now he'd be able to answer them, hopefully without his father lying to him again. All he'd ever been was a lost little boy who'd had unanswered questions for his whole life.

Waking up in his bed, Neal exited his room, and, made his way out into his main living room, looking for his father. Neal went to shake his father awake from his chair, but, just before he reached it, Neal decided against it, and, began to leave it for now. However, he wasn't expecting his papa to stir and see him standing there.

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Rumplestiltskin

Rumple hadn't been able to sleep. And not just because he had reunited with his son and his nerves had completely gotten the better of him. He also had to deal with the noise of the city, which he wasn't used to, and an extremely uncomfortable sofa. There was also the fact that he had absolutely no powers at that moment, and anything could happen to him. He didn't like being in the world without magic, but it helped knowing he was the only one who had been capable of leaving Storybrooke, minus Emma and Henry, and that no one else would have magic if they managed to leave, either.

Still, being without a power he had used for so long, and depended on so much, was unsettling at best. Mostly, though, it was his son that had kept him up all night. He couldn't stop thinking about all the things he wanted to say to him- all the ways he wanted to apologize for what he had done. But nothing he came up with seemed like it would be enough.

How do you apologize for that level of betrayal? For causing so much pain and suffering? There were no words for it. He could go through a million variations of their conversation, and it would never end with him being forgiven.

Still, he had to try- he had come so far.

When he heard Baelfire stir in the other room, he closed his eyes, feigning sleep for the sake of keeping up appearances. He had intended on just playing unconscious while Bae moved around the room, but he could feel the man move over to him, hovering nearby. The ability to resist looking at him was one he didn't possess, and he ended up slowly blinking his eyes open. Thankfully, he was tired enough that it was still a struggle to bring the world into focus, even if he hadn't really been sleeping. He looked up at his son.

"G-good morning," he said incredibly awkwardly, unsure of what else he was supposed to say.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal had gotten used to the noise of New York City, since he'd lived here for quite a few years now. Besides it was better then the quiet, since that just reminded him of Neverland, and, everything he'd had to go through on that damn island. Not just the nightmares, but, everything that came after them. And the island itself. The amount of times that he'd dreamt of his papa coming to rescue him, but, then reality kicking in later. That place was enough for him to want to go to a place that was more full of noise. The exact opposite of what that place had been. It had also been easier to hide from anything and everything, including his past. Neal knew that anything could've happened to him, but, he didn't really mind. He'd learnt how to defend himself quite well before coming back to this land, and, while he was in the foster system. Although, he'd really had to, in order to survive any of that life before he turned 18. The life without magic is what he wanted, and, now he had made his life here. Without his father.

Being without anyone in his life for so long had made Neal closed off from most people, in order to prevent himself being hurt again. Neal just needed one person to stick around in his life, and, he hadn't found that so far. He had thought his father would stick around or love him enough to stay with and choose him, but, in the end he hadn't been good enough for him.

Neal had faced so much pain and suffering in his life growing up, after facing the biggest betrayal of his life from the one person he never thought would cause it, and, he was in no mood to forgive him anytime soon.

When he reached his living room, Neal hadn't known that his father was just pretending to be asleep, but, Neal was going to wake him up anyway. Mainly because he'd waited years for his answers, and, he was going to get them now. Even if the answers weren't what he wanted to hear. Before he could change his mind and head back to his room, Neal noticed his papa stirring on the couch, and, looking at him.

"Morning." Neal said, with a bit of a calmer tone in his voice, then he'd had before, before standing up, and, backing away from him a bit.

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Rumplestiltskin

Rumple watched as Baelfire took a step back from him. Now that he was 'awake', it seemed like he didn't want to be too near. Understandable. Generally, he understood that Bae was furious with him. Why wouldn't he be? He abandoned him. Ruined his life. Broke a promise. Went back on a deal. Just about every horrible thing you could do to someone, he did in one short moment. All it had involved was letting go of a hand, but the implications of that action spread far and wide.

Storybrooke existed because of that mistake.

Slowly, Rumple sat himself up on the chair, groaning slightly as he did so. Without his magic, he felt every minute of his three hundred plus years, it seemed, mostly in his back. Of course, it was just as likely the sofa hadn't been great for his spine, but he always had a flair for the dramatics. After taking a moment to work some of the kinks out of his spine, he pulled his legs over the edge of the chair, sitting himself up properly.

He felt very tired- he couldn't remember the last time he had been fatigued. With the powers of the Dark One, he almost never felt tired or like he couldn't work through multiple nights. He slept, naturally, but he could easily use a spell to rid himself of any ill effects from NOT sleeping, too. Sighing softly, he looked at his son. Feeling tired was the least of his concerns. It was also the least of the punishments he deserved.

"Are you... going to spend the day with Henry today?" He asked awkwardly. That damn boy- apparently he was going to lead to his death, though he was going to have to find some way to ensure that didn't happen. Still, Henry was suddenly his grandson. That was something he was going to have to take into consideration.

He couldn't kill Baelfire's son, even if it did mean his own death in return.

He slowly got himself to his feet, grabbing his cane, which sat propped against the end table, along the way. Another problem with being without magic- he couldn't walk without his damn cane.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal took a step back from his father, and, looked at him. He was still angry with him. Angry at being abandoned, betrayed and having his life ruined because of a broken promise by the only family he'd ever known. With that one release of his hand, Neal had gone through so much, and, he had felt scared of this new world, and, unwanted and lost inside it.

All because of one broken deal.

Watching his papa move up in the chair, Neal just stood there and looked at him. There had been so many times that he'd wanted to see that man sitting in the chair of their living room, and, him not too far away. But, not in this way, and, definitely not when he was this age. He knew his papa was always one for dramatics, but, he had to admit it wasn't the most comfortable couch and he knew it. He'd fallen asleep on it a couple of times himself, when he was too exhausted from work to make it to his bedroom. And it was kind of hard to get up from.

Neal had been alot more tired since moving to this town, since he'd been working a steady job for a while, and, it had always exhausted him. Back before this city, when he was still living in the foster system he hadn't really slept alot. Due to the fact that he was scared of what his foster brothers or parents might do if he fell asleep for too long, and, also because he used the nights to run away from the foster homes. Sleeping in the old alleys and buildings, he had to half-sleep because of his ear out for the cops. Neal wasn't going to focus on that right now though. He had come out here for a reason.

"Yeah, I was, um planning to." Neal said, running his hand through his hair nervously. Neal hadn't expected that boy to come into his life, and, make himself want to get to know someone so much. He was a father now, and, Neal knew that, unlike his own father, that meant something to him.

Neal couldn't be his father, he knew he could be better then that.

Watching his papa reach for his cane, Neal noticed that the man's limp was back. One thing he never knew was how he'd gotten that limp, but, now he didn't want to ask so much. "Papa, I, um... I actually wanted to talk to you about something."

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Rumplestiltskin

He could tell Baelfire was ill at ease with the thought of being around his son. It was likely still a bit of a shock to him that he HAD a son, after all. It wasn't like what had happened with him and Rumple- He hadn't abandoned his son. He simply had never known he even existed. Now he did and, well, it was probably a lot of information to take in. If it was hard for Rumple to come to terms with the fact that Henry linked him to Emma now, it must have been much harder for Baelfire.

He couldn't believe his son had been in love with the savior. What were the odds? Destiny liked to toy around with them, it seemed, though he supposed he wasn't exactly angry about it all. He just didn't know what he was going to do about his own little problem.

At some point, he was going to have to figure out how he was going to save himself and keep Henry alive at the same time.

In the meantime, however, he was happy to focus on his son. Well, maybe not happy, given the circumstances, but willing. The prophecy, and his fate, could be considered at another time. It wasn't like anything was going to happen in New York, right? He looked at Bae, mild surprise passing over his expression when he heard him say papa. It was one of the few names he had been given over the centuries that he loved hearing. 'Imp' and 'crocodile' didn't really have the same ring to them. But it was still so new to be hearing that name again.

It caused a flood of emotions to surge through him every single time he heard it.

"Anything," Rumple replied somewhat eagerly, though he was attempting to play things cool. He couldn't help it- he desperately wanted to talk to his son, even if they ended up yelling at one another. At least they were there, in the same room, after so long. "what is it you wanted to talk about?" He had a couple of guesses, but he didn't want to leap ahead.

As he listened, he took a few steps around the room, though only because the nervous energy was mounting and he needed to move a bit to get rid of it. It helped work the lasts of the kinks out of his aged frame, too.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal was still getting used to being a father, and, having a son. He'd never even known he'd had a son. It was different when it came to what happened with him and his father. That man had abandoned him with every knowledge that he had a son of his own. Whereas Neal hadn't known he was abandoning his son. And now all of this information was quite a bit to wrap his head around. He and Emma were now tied together in more ways then he had thought.

He hadn't believed that of all the people to fall in love with, it was the savior of a town full of people from his old land. Once again, destiny had stepped in, and, took away the only happiness he'd seemed to have.

Neal was going to figure out how to spend time getting to know his son, and, avoid his father at the same time.

But, his son would be someone to focus on after he woke up. Right now, Neal was going to focus on getting the answers from his father that he'd wanted for a long time. He was never really expecting to get them, but, now here in New York of all places he may finally get them. Using the word papa was something he hadn't used in a long time, and, it was something he'd admittedly missed being able to say.

His heart filled with a small amount of pain everytime he said it.

"Really anything?" Neal asked, raising his eyebrows, and, smiling softly. Neal wasn't expecting him to say that, but, at the same time he took it as an invite to actually ask the questions. The two of them were in the same room for the first time in so long, and, that was enough for him. "I had some questions to ask, questions that I've wanted answered for a long time."

Neal kept his hands in his pants pockets, as he took a couple of steps around the room before looking at his papa in front of him.

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Rumplestiltskin

He had come so far, and done so much to try and get his son back. He had spent centuries looking for ways to get back to him. Working on a plan to reunite them. It had taken a lot of time, and had made him a lot of enemies, but he didn't regret his actions. He regretted what they had brought for other people, sure, but not for the end result. He just wished he had gone about with his plan another way.

But it was too late to worry about things like that- it wasn't like he was ever really going to get a chance to make things up to people. All he could do was move forward and be a better man for Neal and for Belle.

Even if Belle didn't actually remember who he was at that moment.

"Of course," Rumple said, looking at his son. After all that he had been through, of course he would answer some questions. Listen to what his son had to say. It was the least he could do. He watched Neal, nodding when he said he had some questions. "Okay," he said, though he felt his chest tighten a little. He didn't know if he would have the answers Baelfire wanted to hear, but he was going to do his best to be honest.

Honesty was a big thing with the heroes. He couldn't start lying to his son now, immediately after meeting up with him again.

He leaned on his cane, resting both hands on the top of it. He was feeling wide awake now, though mostly because he was concerned about what Baelfire was going to ask of him. He knew how much he had to account for, and he didn't know if he could.

At heart, it seemed he would always be a coward, just as he had been before getting his dark power. Amazing, really. He had clung to his power to ensure he wouldn't be considered a coward anymore, and nothing had actually changed. Sure, he had terrible magic to punish his foes, but he hid behind it.

It was pathetic, really. And now it was another crutch for him.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal had waited so long for him to have his papa back, and, now he did. But, the years of let down hope was something he hadn't been able to handle, so, he gave up telling himself that. He'd been through many homes, and, through so many places. Abandoned churches, buildings and even some jail cells. Neal had gone through so much crap, and, he had finally managed to get his life settled down, and, now it was like he was forced to restart and possibly relocate all over again.

It wasn't the best time to worry about this right now. Neal, for right now was still able to stay in New York. The first place he'd considered 'home' in 11 years. But, if it was for his son, he would consider relocating all over again.

Even if they were still in the 'getting to know you' stage right now.

"Good." Neal said, smiling softly. For so long he'd been waiting to see his papa's face again. But, now that he was, all he wanted was his questions answered. And then he never wanted to see it again. "Ok." Neal felt a pain in his heart that he hadn't felt for the longest time. The hole in his heart from when he was 14 was once again coming back. Neal just didn't want his papa to lie to him again.

Before he'd gone to Hook's ship, he had never thought his papa would lie to him, and, hadn't. But, after finding out about his mother, Neal wondered what else he'd lied to him about in the past.

Neal sighed softly as he placed his hands in his pockets, before looking at his papa. Suddenly he felt alot more awake then he had before he'd entered this living room. Mainly because, on some level, he was worried about the answers to his questions.

The man was a coward, and, always would be. But, hopefully he could, for once, be brave. For him. His papa was finally, not able to hide behind his magic.

Taking a deep breath, Neal sat down on his couch, before looking back up at him. "Well, I guess the first question is. Why wasn't I enough for you?"

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Rumplestiltskin

Rumple had started pacing. He wasn't sure when, but he had started to limp around the room while the air remained heavy between the two of them. It wasn't like he was a particularly active man- with his leg the way it was, it was more or less impossible for him to really enjoy walking around. Still, he was feeling very restless. He knew his son was probably about to engage in a very disheartening conversation with him, and he wasn't sure what he was going to have to answer to.

He stopped his aimless roaming near the window, peering out at the busy streets below. Even though it was so early in the morning, it looked like the city had been alive for hours. Perhaps that was just how New York was- it was very different from sleepy Storybrooke.

Looking over his shoulder, Rumple watched as Baelfire sat down. It looked like he was preparing himself for war, not a conversation. He swallowed a knot in his throat when the man started to speak. The first attack had been a critical one- it had caught him right in the heart.

"Bae..." he said softly, any sense of strength gone from his tone, "I... it was never because I didn't think you were enough for me. You were everything to me. My whole world. But... I was scared. I was scared of what I would become if I went through that portal with you. I... I made the wrong choice. A choice I can never take back."

His eyes found their way to the ground as he leaned back against the window frame. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach- all the wind had fled from him. It was the one thing he couldn't justify. Even he knew he had made the wrong choice that day. That he never should have let go of his son's hand.

It was painful, but true. That day, he had failed his son. All because he had been scared to lose his power.

He felt like he was going to start crying- he was such an emotional Dark One. Whenever things good too tough or even too blissful, he tended to start getting a little over-whelmed. He would say this conversation definitely fell into the too tough category.

But he didn't cry- he refused to let himself.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal just stood in the one place in the room, as he watched his papa pace. He remembered how he used to watch him walk around a room, while he sat on the dining room table, or the couch in their cottage. He'd had that same limp, but, it hadn't mattered, because his papa was always coming home to him. But, this time he wasn't really paying much attention, since his own head was filling with so many thoughts that it was jumbling up way too much.

As it was quiet, Neal listened to the sounds of the city down below. It was something he'd gotten used to hearing. This city was either people waking up ready for their day to start, or their day had never stopped. Either way, New York was never quiet. This town, Storybrooke, was obviously the opposite of this town.

Neal let out a soft sigh as he sat down on his bed. He more just had to steady himself to prepare for the questions he had to ask, and, the answers that his papa would be giving him. After asking his first question, he waited for his papa's answer to it.

"So, you were scared? That's your reason for it. Your reason for letting me go that night?" Neal said, looking up with slight tears in his eyes. "I had to grow up alone and unwanted in a strange new world I knew nothing about, thinking no-one would care about me because I wasn't even good enough for the only family I'd ever known. And it was all because you were afraid of what would happen to us when we got here? Or were you not even thinking about me in your equation, and, it was all about you. Being powerless. And that's why you made the choice you made"

He lay himself fully down on his bed, just looking up at the ceiling for a minute. Neal had wanted, more then anything to just be anywhere, but, here right now. Yes, he wanted his answers, but, at the same time he wasn't sure he could handle it all.

Neal sat up once again, as he fought back the tears that were coming to his eyes. He'd been wanting these answers and to let these feelings out for a long time, so he wasn't going to let himself cry now. The foster homes had hammered it into him pretty well that real men don't cry.

So Neal wasn't going to cry now. Not a chance.

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Rumplestiltskin

Rumple frowned. His chest tightened at the implications of his actions. He knew he had made the wrong choice- that he had messed up. He had picked power over his son, and there was nothing he could do to change it. No way to warp the decision to make it seem like he had done the right thing. He shouldn't have let go of his son's hand. He never should have gone back on a deal. It was the one moment in his life that he had real regret for, regardless of all the other things he had done since then. It was the only thing he really felt like, if he had the chance, he would go back and change.

"I'm sorry Bae," he said softly, turning his head away from the pained expression his son was offering him. He felt broken. Shattered into a thousand pieces. "I was wrong. I made the wrong choice, because I was still a coward. I'll always be a coward. And now I'm a monster, too. I've let this power destroy so many things in my life. I never should have let you go."

He couldn't stop the tears this time. He sniffled faintly, moving a hand over his eyes to hide them as he struggled to gather himself. He was such a fool. Back then and now- he would always be an idiot he picked the wrong thing for the sake of himself. Could he ever truly be a good man? Was it even possible? Had it ever been possible, even when he hadn't had this accursed power? Maybe there had never been any goodness in side of him to begin with.

Maybe he had been destined to be a beast right from the start.

"I fought so hard to find you again. All I ever wanted was to find you and tell you how much I love you, and how sorry I am," he whimpered weakly, "I never wanted to leave you to suffer on your own like that. It was all my fault. Everything is my fault. I... I..." He couldn't keep saying the same thing again and again.

He could apologize a million times, but it wasn't going to make a difference in the end, was it? He was still in the wrong. There were some things he could never make up for. Abandoning his son was one of those things.

The biggest of them.

He sank from the window to the floor, sitting there in his misery. He felt tired, again, as though all that nervous energy had fled from his body in the wake of all the sorrow that now filled him. He couldn't bring himself to look at his son.

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal felt his chest tighten as he spoke of what he’d been through. All he’d ever wanted was to know why he was left behind, and, let go. His papa chose the power of a dagger over his own son, and, it had affected him in a lot of ways. Neal didn’t know whether his father regretted it, but, at the same time it didn’t really matter. Nothing could make up for it, or change what had happened.

There was those words again, ‘I’m sorry’. Why did he think that it would be able to fix everything? Neal was broken for a long time, and, it would take a bit to be able to be able to piece himself back together. “I never actually thought that you’d be someone to choose a dagger over me, let alone a coward or a monster. You’re right you shouldn’t. We had a deal”

Neal couldn’t keep his walls up that much longer, but, he had to. His papa didn’t get to do this to him now. It had been centuries, and, now he comes back into his life. His papa would always be the same coward who chose the dagger over him. He once thought that he was a good man, who would always be there for him. But, the fact that he let him go because of the dagger was making him doubt all of it. Neal had always wanted that man back, but, maybe it wouldn’t be possible anymore.

“Well why did it take you so long? You can’t just use ‘sorry’ and ‘I love you’ as defenses papa. It still wouldn’t have changed anything.” Neal sniffled softly. “It doesn’t matter whether you wanted to do it, the point is that you did. You left me to fend for myself at a time when I didn’t know how to.”

Hearing his apologies was not making him feel the way he thought it would. If it had been when he was still at an age when he needed him, maybe it would’ve been different. He might have been angry, but, it would’ve been easier to forgive him.

Not completely at first, but, it wouldn’t have been impossible.

Neal slid closer to the edge of his bed, before sliding his body down to the floor. His walls were still up, and, he couldn’t let them down. Instead, he shook his head back into reality. “No, papa. You don’t get to do this to me.”

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Rumplestiltskin

Rumple felt his heart crumbling. He almost wished one of his enemies might find him, or Emma might wake up from the other room. Henry would wander in and start asking all his annoying little questions. Anything to make this awkward, horrible moment end. He knew he had done wrong- he knew he had made the wrong choice. He had lived with that guilt for what seemed like an eternity. Longer than anyone should have to bare the loss of a son.

He whimpered softly, his lip quivering as his emotions overwhelmed him.

"I know," he sobbed softly, "I know we had a deal. I... I told you, I made a mistake. I know I never should have broken the deal. Let go of your hand. I can't justify it to you- I was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. If I could go back in time and change one thing, it would be that moment! But I can't, Bae. I can't tell you anything to make what I did seem right, and I can't take it back. All I can do is live with my mistakes and try to make things up to you... somehow."

He didn't know what Bae wanted to hear from him. He had already said he was sorry, and he knew he had done the wrong thing. There was no excuse out there that would make what he had done okay. No explanation that would help ease the pain for his son. Rumple had been nothing more than a coward and had picked his power over his own flesh and blood.

That was all there was to it.

"It took so long because that was how long I needed to wait for the plan to work. I looked for every way possible to get you back, Bae, but I was thwarted each and every time. I had one plan to get to you, and a vision had told me that I would find you when that plan followed through, but it never told me what you would look like, or what you would have been through because of me. I focused on that plan, but I never stopped trying to find faster alternatives to get to you. I visited so many worlds trying to hunt for you- countless realms. But I never found where you were. I had no idea you were in Neverland, the one place I would never go otherwise." He shook his head.

"Please Bae," the broken man blubbered, "I love you. You're my only son. I would do anything to make up for how I hurt you. Tell me how."

---

Neal Cassidy

- neal cassidy -

Neal could feel his heart breaking as he talked to his papa, for the first time in so long. He almost wished that Henry would come in and ask him what they were doing today, or Emma started waking up. It would stop him having to feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time. Neal had lived with pain for, what felt like an eternity. The pain of a son being abandoned by his father.

He felt his lips starting to quiver, as he looked down at his hands, feeling the tears coming to his eyes.

Hearing his papa’s apology, Neal felt a pain in his chest all over again. It was something that was hard to fix, and, a pain he thought he’d finally been able to get rid of. “All of those words don’t make up for anything. An apology can’t fix the pain that came from that moment, the pain of growing up knowing what I did. Like you said, turning back time is almost impossible. So, I have to live with that pain for the rest of my life.”

Neal wasn’t sure what he had wanted to hear from his papa in response to that question. The answer he’d gotten was worse, maybe, if his papa had told him that he wasn’t good enough, then the pain may have been a bit easier to get past. But, knowing that it wasn’t that reason, and, he was just a coward made the pain a lot worse. And, Neal never would’ve been anything more then someone who was abandoned for power and magic.

That would never change no matter what.

“So, you had a plan, but, it extended out over time? Someone managed to thwart the Dark One? Or did you just not try hard enough? It seemed like a pretty vague vision, I mean if it didn’t show you what I looked like, or, what I was going through in this world? You tried so many worlds, and, you stopped before coming to Neverland? How did your visions not tell you that I was there? I called out for you night after night to come and find me. But, I guess the Dark One magic didn’t work. Either that, or you just didn't answer.”

“That’s just it papa.” Neal said, standing up, and, making his way closer to him. “You can’t just automatically fix this with words or one action.” Neal walked away from his papa, and, leant himself against the window-sill.

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Rumplestiltskin